Some days ago, I received news that crashed me. It was something I had worked hard towards, something I believed with all my heart, and it all ended in one rejection letter. It was painful. Imagine my horror when I decided to share this bad news to a friend, and they kicked me whilst I was down.
“Honestly, Fai, you’re not good enough. I already told you you were aiming too high. You have too much faith and all it does is hurt you instead. We both know this is your fault cause I warned you several times.”
It was hard hearing those words from a friend. I needed comforting words and all they did was hurt me even more. That day, I cried myself to sleep, replaying the words they had just said to me.
Would it surprise you if I told you that friend was actually myself?
Yes, after receiving the heavy blow, I talked down on myself. I reminded myself of all my failures and how I will probably be stuck in an endless cycle of “falling and getting back up”. Luckily, I caught myself wallowing in negativity just in time. I scolded Other Faith for adding salt to my painful wound.
Often times, when we fall, or don’t make the progress we want, the first thing we do is gather all our failure stories and make the pain worse. Why do we do that? How does that even help us?
It’s very easy to get stuck in the negatives (there are loads of experiments which prove this). It takes TRAINING YOUR MIND to see the positive side to things. I remember sharing this news to two of my friends and they immediately hit me with the “everything happens for a reason” line. It ANNOYED me. I kept thinking, “yeah, cause it’s not happening to you! Duh!” LOL y’all know how positive talk in those moments can seem meaningless (I love you guys, please don’t stop being there for silly me). But I sat down and thought about it – yes, God would never hold back blessings that belong to me. All things are working for MY good. I may not understand why right now, but God knows better.
At the beginning of this year, I started something I thought was pointless at first. I bought a notebook which I call my Gratitude Journal. At the end of each day, I write down three things I am grateful for that day. When I was down, I took the notebook and read all my previous entries. It left me feeling positive. I would encourage you to try it, too. Our minds need training on how to focus on the positives and this is a good way to start.
I often say, you wouldn’t force a broken leg to run, so why do you force yourself to ‘keep going’ when your heart’s broken? Don’t you think it needs some mending first? For me, I knew if I forced myself to “just get over it”, it would make me drift into a depression pit I have fallen into in the past. So I took time off anything that would require my energy. I needed to come to terms with the bad news and just recharge. To some, it may seem like going to extreme lengths; I used to think so too, but it’s been effective. It helped me let go of what I thought would be. I took some time to pray and ask God for His direction. I slept all I could, ate to my heart’s content and watched a lot of cake decorating videos which somehow satisfied my heart. I’m happy to say I am back up and ready to live life with a healthier, positive mind.
If you’re feeling stuck, I’m sending you love. May life be kinder to you. Also, try cake decorating videos. Therapeutic. 10/10 would recommend.
Here’s my first attempt to a chocolate layer cake after watching too many cake decorating videos (which has been an amazing comfort food):